In loving memory of my son Kevin.
March 22, 1977 - July 4, 2002
The pain of losing a son is like standing in the ocean being hit by wave after wave of emotions. You brace yourself for each wave that hits then you stand waiting for the next one to arrive. Every now and then one comes along that just knocks you down but you get up and brace yourself for the next one. Eventually the waves get farther apart but like the waves in the ocean they never quit coming. And I do not want them to stop. I never want to not feel the loss because if he was worth loving he is worth grieving over.
The hardest part is knowing he will never drive up our road and walk into the house again. The answering machine will never again hold a message from him. We will never again hear his voice on the phone or in our house. His smile will never light up the room again.
While at the hospital, knowing we would have to tell the doctors to disconnect him from the machine that kept him breathing, a song came to mind. That song says, "The easy parts over now, we've come to the end, now comes the hardest part, living alone." The easy part was coming to the end in that hospital room with him, the hardest part truly is living without him.
Another song has come to mind; it says, "Only love can break a heart, only love can mend it again." Someone we do not love can never break our heart. They can hurt us in other ways but they cannot break our heart. Only love has the capacity to break a heart and only love can mend it. Before my son died my wife asked me, "What kind of God would allow this to happen?" I told her the same kind of God who would let His only son die for our sins. "If that isn't love, there's no stars in the sky, the ocean is dry, and the sparrow can't fly; if that isn't love then heaven's a myth."
That kind of love can mend any broken heart.